This is my final non-hurrah on summer

Disclaimer and TLDR: I’m tired, allergic and a little pouty. Fall and spring are my seasons, yo!


It is upon us again. Regardless of blistering heat or grey, rainy days, I trudge through the days with crippling allergies that make sitting up a strain on my oxygen supply. I down an allergy pill buffet for breakfast while nursing a calf-sized lump of horse-fly bite that got inflamed because I'm allergic to those fuckers as well. The UV-rays shining upon my corneas throughout the years caused one of my eyeballs to develop a bump just before Midsummer's Eve. 6x6 millimeters of pure fear shaped as a yellowish-white nodule decorated and chafed my left eye for two days, constantly reminding me of the frailness of my worldly body. According to medical resources, said bump could either disappear or in worst case make your vision do the same. Luckily, it went away, but once you've got it, you're more likely to get it again and risk surgery, again.

My complexion is riddled with rosacea and being near the warming beams of the sun, mind you, not even IN them, makes my face turn into the lovely colour of a screaming new born-baby, prompting questions from everyone that doesn't know me very well. Have I run all the way here? Have I burned myself in the sun? Am I angry? Why am I so red?

When I happen to forget sunscreen or just happen to be outside more than I intended and happen to tan my face a little, it tans unevenly and causes spots. The whole "tan and the acne goes away" does not apply to my special sensitive kind of skin. My skin does whatever it wants to do. And while others bask in the golden goddess glory of a freshly tanned summer skin, I'm in the background, red as a beet, uneven complexioned, sweating with rubbed raw inner thighs, sleep-deprived and looking like a teenager with spots all over my face. Needless to say, I don't fit in with the glorious summer crowd.

I do appreciate a bunch of aspects of summer, of course, I'm not whole-heartedly a shadow dweller. BBQs, hanging around outside, reaping the fruits of the season, not having to wrap myself in a survival-burrito just to fetch today's mail by the postbox at the end of the short driveway.

Growing up, I spent my summer breaks bathing in the nearby lake, fooling around outside with friends until our parents ushered us in because it was getting late. Lieu of horseflies, I can appreciate dipping my sweaty, red, chafed teenagery revelation into the brown waters of regular Swedish lakes (there are crystal clear exceptions of course), and watching fresh batches of birds learning how to fly is one of the most endearing practices I've spent time on.

Midsummer's Eve is one of my favourite holidays and the light evenings are magical. That said, the point of this post is none. I'm just worn out, having spent weeks not doing anything because I can't. The allergy to everything out there takes a toll on my immune system and makes me tired, all the time. To follow up those meaningless weeks, I have had to cancel trips to favour a fever, snot and not sleeping at all for days. Whether it has to do with allergies successfully tripping my immune system or not, we will never know. But I do know that it's August, and somehow, even though I always look forward to fall, this year I need it. Now.

I don't want to be the Negative Nancy that complains along with other summer-haters, but I'm spent. So tired, so allergic, just wishing for some energy and be able to breathe again. The crisp winds of fall arriving will bring me relief and my body the break it craves.

The rustling leaves beneath my feet will tell the tale of me surviving another summer. Yes. Yes they will!